I felt the joy, in meeting a friend. It have been days since he's been away, eventhough he came back yesterday, fate didn't brought us together to meet. We just hear each other's voices.

Well, he did offered me to go away with him, but nah..

Today not only we have random pathetic stupid jokes in the phones, but he made my day. Frankly speaking it was even better then being beautiful..

Hence it lighten me up in someway or another, as I already had a bad start for work today..

Dush! Then again, I forgot to ask him about some random stuffs, taht I was pathetically doing a research on..

It's been almost 2 weeks since I'm learning to go vegan. Well, I must be mad and I admit I'm. Somehow, I try my best avoiding meat, but if they are one of the things I crave I just could not resist..

I've learnt that it takes losta discipline, moreover I'm lack of it. WTH!

I'm having juicies and salads almost everyday. Insane!

Well, I unexpectedly blasted out with a reason I was not being respected as a human being taking control of my duties..

I wasn't given a chance to finish up my words and stuffs, there's a communication break out in between. WTF!

Sitting in the room with people who aren't possible to work professionally, its really hard for me. To escape, I went in and out of the management office which ended me to become the office-girl for the day..

It's such a slap on the face!

However, these anger trash bag, is getting full, and if its too full someday it'll burst and mess up the whole place. Well, I'm just waiting for that very day when everything will go wrong and everyone will get messy..

I didn't know how many freaking times, ended me up in scolding the monitor too many coutless times. Dush!

Yeah! Reeno, how am I'm supposed to not stressed up with these people if their attitude is totally like damn bloody pathetic uneducated fuckers? Damn! These people are even worst then yours..

But whatever it is, thanks for those random crap..

ive been so contented in work lately, chasing money rather then all the other things in life. sigh! too many politics i gotta face, im glad that ive superiors who are damn good and rather insane times..

at times at work, i feel kindda insulted by some gestures and acts which were being opposed to be. it made me feel like i was dumb and unable to do my work. i admit, i feel that every move i make is being monitor and critic by those around me..

these people, never put acceptance in me when i entered the door cause to them i was a threat but not a treat. sigh!

its hard for me to work, if the communication ties kept on widen, and language gap is the next thing. sigh! im gald that im a trilangual, malay, mandarin and english. unforutantely, i have yet to understand the tamil language. sigh! it gonna take a longer time then i think it should be..

on thursday, my Operations Manager, offered to a lift back home as he was heading the same way. well, i asked him about how was i doing and stuffs. im glad that he acknowledged my works and gave me credits for all of it. we had a heart to heart talk about my position at work..

now im the reporter, photographer, IT master when my jobscope was only as a telephonis and messagner..

he knew that a few of my colleage were not really happy that i went up the ladder so fast, but i was afterall already equiped with the knowledged with my jobscope/s. the hardships ive face throughout my years, have paid off by getting me a better position at work..

well, now he, my supervisior and senior excuative decided to put me into the star team. wow! i was shocked. im the only female in the group, and its have been awhile and i got recognised so fast..

eventhough the people above gave me compliments, credits and also made me work with other areas that made me learn things that was outside if the objective..

most of them i work with are not really up to the expectation of understanding that ive set my mind at. some are really mentally inclinde or some just up to the nerve making me feel that i so dumb that i should bang my head against the wall till i bleed to death..

im glad that i have someone to trash those trashy feelings at work and not just to keep to myself, although he have his problems with his team of Techs, it was very obvious, he's presence never failed to make me drain out my thoughts of being pathetic. its not that because he's more pathetic then me, it just that he fills the hole..

he's the kind of guy who practically knows alot of random things and talks about it, but we mostly talk about food and stuffs. now, u got me to read every label of food that i eat and mad me watch whatever i put into my mouth..

dush! its is for my own good and i gotta start now before its too late..

nice! he got this lustful scent that is same as farhan, that i can never let go of. wth!

well, he remind me of someone in the past. not just by his complexion or random mix up of expression, but also the personalities he carries. he not only was able to take all my crap, but understand it and make it some fact that its beyond to believe, but its true. and the way he puts words to make me feels things i never thought that someone would appreciate me doing..

frankly speaking, im afraid that the incident would repeat itself. therefore im trying to get myself away from all these things, but its hard cause he's the only one there who i can talk about mostly anything and somehow i built the trust onto him..

*at times i just wonder, why do i meet people who i wanna forget. this is the no.4*

today was finally the getaway, meet up farhan to catch nafiz's rugby then i did a little make a hole in your pocket session..

im appreaciate that farhan loves my cooking. yay!

tomorrow is another day at work, unforunately mr vegan is doing the later shift. sigh! on monday too. im not sure when he's going back to afternoon shift..

well, i gotta face it with myself. dush! everyone leaves and i know that..

somehow typing this make me miss those bising geng even more, but most of all i still miss..

being here just kills me day by day, my hopes and dreams are wearing thin. i guess sooner or later im giving in, to whatever that takes everything away from me. i fell totally dead, its like im in a state of breaking down.

frankly speaking, im suffering from that all of that and i dont deny it. im lost and i know it, cause ive lost my compass when i lost someone who was my friend, brother and all of it. its been 8 months and still no sign of him. life is getting harsher and im getting weaker. i can bearly think right, and it seems that ive been making alot of wrong decisions and choices..

i was trying my best to get up with my two feet, and waking myself up to my feet, when out of the blue there were some key factors which made me look back and thought through the past. it pains my heart like a dagger stabbing through it..

ive to say the truth that i never can really get over of losing a friend like him and i dont think i can ever forget about him. dush! its a slap hard on the face!

it adds on to work, people are backstabbing each other to save their own ass. i just dont get the point of going to the ladies for more then 40 damn minutes, when i can take less to smoke, to the ladies and wash up. wth! i just the noobs always get bully, but wtf! i dont even give a damn to me 'be te bully or get bullied'.

sigh! even for the reports i do, she told me off as if she did it. so wtf! when im reading, or anyone at all reading, they dont like the reading article just to snatched away outta from their sight. wtf! totally no manners, cant they just freaking wait..

sigh! so many freaking pathetic politics. sitting in the command centre, is making some peoples' eyes red, and they are not happy at me at all. therefore, they dont listen to orders given by me, and they dont pass around the message to me when needed..

im lucky as there are some people who can partically make me smile. mr calls himself handsome (self-praise; but he is), never fail to at least to put a smile on my face. dush! he makes me reminds of someone in the past. totally! both almost look the freaking same. same complexion, voice tone, eyes, physically.. etc. dush! at times he will even act the same, randomly talking random crap and some other stuffs. but not in age, name, mindset, knowlegde and scent..

he still owe me a hot chocolate and now a plus a can of red bull. hahaha..

to come to a place where i need peace, no longer exsist. but i got no other choice, cause i got no where else to go. i wish i could just runaway from everything and rewrite my own story to make it come true. but its all a dream that can never come true..

at times i can pray that i would sail on a ship way off the habour and to the oceans i'll go, and probably never come back. too many dreams have been broken, and to build up a new one brings lotsa courage and strength of will..

i've lost too much to gain this much, at times i just cant find myself living, its as though ive always been dead..

ive tons of mistakes i did, but i mean noone any harm at all, but i meant it to myself..

its hard to get over a life that have been here for a long time, in just a short while. he've done alot to make me change..

now im learning to change without him, or anyone else..

*you no longer shine, in those pictures*